False reporting of child abuse

These claims waste tremendous amounts of resources and time that should be used in actual cases of abuse. False allegations destroy peoples lives costing them their families, jobs, savings, and often leading to time in jail not to mention the psychological damage the children suffer from the examinations, interrogations, separation from a parent and the pressure to lie which leads to tremendous guilt and self esteem issues.4 out of 5 cases of child abuse are deemed false not unfounded but false allegations intended to harm and harass  2.8 million a year commonly used as a method to gain an advantage in child custody disputes.

http://fathersandkids.com/false-reporting-of-child-abuse/

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Fun with Puzzles

Who doesn’t love puzzles ?  Truthfully me, I was never a very big fan, I don’t have the patience or mind set to truly enjoy them. That all changed with the birth of my little princess. Everyone knows of the baby puzzles and there importance in developing cognitive skills, problem solving, visual recognition, memory, shapes, colors and much more which is why I am going to focus on some other ways to look at puzzles.

My grandmother use to love making puzzles and she would always glue them together when she was done, I never asked but I assume she liked the challenge, the tranquility of the time to herself and the sense of accomplishment when completing a difficult puzzle so this got me to thinking how can I use puzzles in my little princesses life without me having to do the bigger puzzles.  After she grew out of the infant puzzles and block puzzles Kiara naturally was ready to advance to the childrens puzzles( 25-100 pieces) but had kind of grown bored with them, this is were my plan was put into place. I decided not to make it about the learning in the traditional sense but more of the creative sense which is what she always seemed to gravitate towards.  We did not have a lot of money so I solved multiple problems with one cheap tactic. I would get a Disney princess puzzle and in the beginning we would solve it together with me always making it a huge deal when I got a piece so she would think it was when she did as well. Remembering how my grandmother would glue the puzzles I began doing the same for Kiara and having her hang them on her walls. I choose Disney princess for a few simple reasons: 1. She was four when we started and in her princess phase 2. There are too many varieties to count and 3. They are readily available at walmart, target and most dollar stores.  This began to evolve into several bonding activities besides the obvious of doing the puzzles together there is the tradition of hanging them on the wall which I always allow her to pick the spot  and of course going to the store to pick out the next puzzle  (generally reserved for rainy days as we like to spend as much outdoor time as possible). Kiara also began to think puzzles were cool and not just for kids when she saw how into puzzles my fiance (Iva) was, by this time she had begun to really look up to her as a female role model and associated her doing puzzles with being the intelligent and artistic woman she is , so naturally she too wanted to do them.

I found that the puzzles began to build her sense of pride, accomplishment and definitely independence as she was very proud to be in charge of decorating her room and it became more more her space which lead to her taking a bigger sense of pride in keeping it clean.

Its funny how even things you might not have enjoyed as a child can come back to have such an important role in your life….thanks grandma, thanks Iva!

http://fathersandkids.com/fun-with-puzzles/

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Cooking with the kids

Some of my fondest moments as a child were in the kitchen, my mother was a single mother who always was working at least two jobs to provide for us (thank you mom!) so on most nights the only real times I got to spend with her was the hour  or so she stopped home to cook dinner. I will always remember the vast array of smells and being amazed at how well she could cook  but mostly I remember sitting at the table and talking to her as she prepared our dinner.  It was also a family tradition to gather at our grandparents house every Sunday, every once and awhile I would be lucky enough to sleep at grandma’s house the night before which traditionally meant staying up late watching tv and eating things my mother would never allow ( got to love grandparents), but the most memorable times of those sleepovers were prepping the food for the next days festivities, this usually consisted of  homemade pizza or  lasagna, but again the time spent together talking about current events, family gossip or just silly  joke telling is what made it so special. As I grew older I came to realize more and more just how big of an impact cooking had on my life not just giving me an appreciation for cooking but also an appreciation for using food as a bonding tool. When my daughter was born, I immediately decided that cooking would be part of our relationship and would be used as a learning tool.

 Obviously when you are dealing with children of any age safety is first, in my case I always have  my daughter help with the prep work as she was not allowed to use the oven for obvious reasons. Also, knifes were out so I found a childrens’  spreading knife that had no sharp edges and allowed her to use that which she knew was only for her use. ALWAYS TEACH KITCHEN SAFETY !!

There are many  benefits to cooking with your children ranging from comprehension to math to social development. Cooking can help develop math skills by allowing your children to do the prep work   will naturally learn addition, subtraction and measurements. Cooking builds self confidence and esteem, seeing the finished product being enjoyed by others will give your children a sense of accomplishment and make them feel as if they have contributed to the functioning of the family. Your child will feel more confident in taking care of themselves and others.  Cooking can help your child to tell time, develop  an appreciation for a variety of foods and understand the importance of healthy eating. Another very important lesson that can be passed along to your children is that old gender stereotypes are no longer valid. Its good to let your children see that their father can help out around the house and cook, do you want your daughter to think her role in life is to only serve? Do you want your son to think  a man can’t take care of his family in other ways besides financially?  In todays time of split homes its important to teach your kids to take care of themselves and in the homes that do have both parents more and more both are working it is important to show your children that  home responsibilities should be shared. Most importantly cooking is a great way to learn communication and manners.  Helping each other requires teamwork, politeness and patience.

Cooking with my daughter has provided me with amazing memories that can never be topped. Passing on my knowledge to her is only part of the satisfaction, the time spent together is what really makes it all the worth while. Spend the time talking to your children about their day, their feelings or even just laughing with one and another. In my case its usually the laughter.  Kids enjoy the simplest things in life as long as it is with their parents and cooking is one of the easiest to incorporate into your routine as we all have to eat. It is simple in todays world to just throw a meal together quickly but the reward of just slowing down and taking a few extra minutes will far out weigh the time saved when you see your child development. My daughter still gets a kick out of sitting in front of the oven watching the food bake and I still get tremendous joy from watching her, no matter how stressful or fast paced your day may be its all worth it in the end. My daughter has amazing confidence in herself, whether with me or a sitter she knows she will never have to worry. She takes great pride in the fact that she can go into the kitchen get a drink, make a snack or a sandwich.

Thanks for the memories grandma, I know you would be proud to see the influence you have had !

Safety Tips:

**Again safety is always the most important thing**

1. no knifes

2. stay away from ovens or stove tops

3. stay away from electrical appliances

4. pots and pan handles should face inwards

5. teach about the dangers of raw foods

6. teach the importance of washing hands before, after and during

http://fathersandkids.com/cooking-with-kids/

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The art of coloring

We all loved coloring as kids, in fact I have never even heard of a child who doesn't like to color, personally I never grew out of it. I may not have exactly announced to the world that I continued to color through my young adult life but once I had a my little princess we were back in business with no feelings of shame or guilt that I enjoyed coloring as much as I did. Much like with movies, rides and games once you have a child you are given a free pass to again enjoy these activities with out the funny stares.

There are numerous benefits to coloring including perception, creativity, recognition of colors and shapes, concentration and gross- motor skills. All these benefits are well documented and can be read about in thousands of published articles, they are also common sense in my opinion. I found that although these benefits are extremely important there are also a lot of benefits that seem to not get quite the same recognition.

Coloring helped my little Kiara learn to express her feelings more openly, I found she used coloring as means to show how much she cared for everyone in her life. She got extreme pleasure out of making pictures for me, her teachers, friends, my friends, family and later in her life she used them to express her love of my fiance. Coloring also, sub consciously, taught her proper etiquette as she began to color thank you pictures for everyone who gave her presents, she used them as cards for loved ones on holidays, birthdays and all occasions and eventually felt as if she showed up to someones house it was her way of bringing something to share.

Coloring can also be extremely therapeutic to both your child and you, not only does it teach how to express feelings and etiquette but also provides family and bonding time with your child. Some great conversations have been had at our dinner table over a bowl of grapes and a coloring book we discuss the day at school, how we feel about whatever is going on in our lives at the time and we create inside jokes.

Coloring is a very calming it is a perfect activity to share with your child between dinner and story time. It relaxes and calms your child after a long active day. Coloring is also a very good and cheap activity when stuck indoors on those rainy days. Coloring books are readily available at dollar stores, discount stores and there are endless websites were you can download free pictures for coloring.

Coloring is educationally, creatively and emotionally beneficial to a childs development but most importantly it is fun for everyone!

http://fathersandkids.com/the-art-of-coloring-with-kids/

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Are Fathers Important?

Are Father important?

It was once said to me “If you don’t want to be with me then I am going to make sure you never see your daughter again, she only needs me,  she won’t die without a father”

The above statement is wrong on so many levels its almost impossible to fathom that the words could come out of any parents mouth. Common sense and morality tells all decent people that no matter how you feel about your  ex, children should never be thrust into the middle of it. Obviously this is a practice that is often ignored with very damaging results to  children.

The obvious answer to the question, are fathers important, is a very simple yes. In an ideal world every child would have two loving parents whether they are together or separated, unfortunately the world is not ideal and utopia doesn’t always exist.  It might be factual that a child will not die without their father, however the intent of that quote is one of the most ignorant comments and or beliefs I have ever heard.  There really is no need to go into the statistics of divorce or the effects it has on children because first I don’t buy into the notion of single parent homes leading to a troubled youth and second this article is about my personal experience being a father and growing up without one not an educational piece.

As I have mentioned in previous posts I was raised by an amazing single mother who did everything to provide for us and raise us to be good moral adults.  My father was not in the picture for what amounts to the great majority of my life.  Without getting into details he was a very bad man, a fact that was never told to me by my mother, as should be the case I was allowed to come to this conclusion on my own. It did not take me long to determine this, kids are much more perceptive then adults like to give them credit for.  My mother did not talk bad about him to me, keep him from me or  use me a weapon against him. I do not harbor any anger towards my birth father, in fact I almost feel the need to thank him for  staying out of my life. I truly believe I am a better person and father  because I was raised by a single mother but this does not mean I think its ideal for all children. In my  situation my father was abusive both physically and verbally to my mother and that can be much more damaging for a child to grow up witnessing then can be caused by not having a father.

I was fortunate to grow up around other “father figures”, it takes a village and I was lucky to be a part of an amazing village that forever changed my life and helped turn be into the great father I am today. I learned three very important traits needed to be a good father:

SACRIFICE:

John Coyte – to everyone who knows me they are aware of the profound effect on me the life of this man had (R.I.P.) he was a man, well now that I am older I realize he was only a child himself, who literally sacrificed so much to help my mother and give me a positive role model. He sacrificed college, time and in my opinion ultimately his life to show me what a man should be. A future article will be created with the complete story of John it will include movement in his honor amongst other things but for now we focus on what I learned about parenting from him.

I learned that if you are a good person being a “father figure”  will come naturally, no one is perfect but you don’t have to be perfect to be a good parent you just have to be filled with love.  Sacrifice is huge as a parent,  especially a single one, you most likely have to give up your a lot of your free time, social time, hobbies and you pretty much never get to be a priority again. To any good parent this is not seen as a sacrifice but as an honor, but to choose to do all this for a child that is not yours  through blood or marriage takes an absolutely amazing human being especially when you are still so young yourself.

Discipline/Structure:

Roger Thomas – oh Roger the jokes we use to make about you and your rules, I still can’t cut a cross a persons lawn ..LOL.

Roger had a rule for everything and there was no breaking them! My mother was definitely was no slouch in this department but as previously stated she did work two jobs and couldn’t always be there so Roger took it upon himself to be. When I did something wrong he treated me no different then his own sons expressing his anger and disappointment in me. Roger was a typical mans man as they say a mechanic, provider, disciplinarian he loved his action movies and wrestling not exactly one to share his feelings if you understand what I mean. What I realized as I grew older was that he took great pride in being a father and filling his role, I realized that providing structure and discipline was his way of showing his love for me.  Structure is the most important gift you can give a child as it something that stays with you your entire life and into fatherhood. All kids are made to feel safe because of structure we just don’t acknowledge it until we are older.  For the record there was always rewards for the good behavior that ranged from movies to vacations or just simple fun things kids love to do. I never got the chance to express to Roger how much he meant to me or the profound effect he had on me as a child and as an adult. It will always hurt me a little to know he didn’t get to meet my daughter or see the great father I have become. My daughter will grow up knowing about him and John as well  through my many stories and lessons I pass on to  her using the bits of wisdom I learned from them.  R.I.P. Roger  and thank you for everything.

COMPASSION:

Jim Snyder – Words can not describe the enormous effect Jim Snyder had on an entire community literally generation after generation after generation. His name is synonymous with the Big Brothers Big Sisters organization in the capitol district of New York. He is  an amazing dad, role model and community leader.  It would take all day to list every person whose life is better because they met Jim he is a father and friend to everyone who has ever crossed his path. He literally shaped generations of men and women who went on to in turn effect communities all around the country whether it be as parents, athletes, political figures, teachers, medical workers the list goes on and on.  I can say without a doubt I never met a man who had more natural compassion and understanding for life then Jim Snyder. Intelligent, funny, understanding and genuine the exact traits I take most pride in as a father and a lot that  is a direct  result of Jim’s influence.  I was always treated as family and included in all family activities when it came to the Snyder family and it will always mean so much to me and although I think I was taken in a little more then most because of my friendship with his son, there are thousands of people out there who will attest to everything I am saying.  My daughter got to meet Jim last year when I was visiting NY and however brief it was I was very proud of that moment, I was proud Jim got to see his words were not lost on me and that I took in everything he said and am now passing it on to my daughter. Kiara was too young to understand the effect the man she met that day had on not only me but her life a well but one day when she is older it will become evident and the cycle of influence Jim has had on the world will continue with her.  Because of Jim I am a better person because of Jim the world is a better place. Thank you Jim from the bottom of my heart.

http://fathersandkids.com/are-fathers-important/

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